George W. Bush, Jr.
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington DC
Past work experience:
*Ran for congress and lost.
*Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
*Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
*Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
*With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
*Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
*Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.
*Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
*Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
*Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as President:
*Attacked and took over two countries.
*Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
*Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
*Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
*Set all-time record for biggest point drop in the history of the stock market.
*First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
*First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
*First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
*After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
*Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
*In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
*Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
*Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
*Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
*Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
*Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.
*Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
*Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
*Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
*Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history ofmankind.
*Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
*My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
*Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
*First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
*Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
*First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
*Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
*Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
*First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
*First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
*Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
*Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
*Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
*Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
*First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
*All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
*My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
*Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
*First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
*First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
*First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
*Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
*With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
*First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
*First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
*Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
*Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
*Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
*Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
*In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
*Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
*In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
*Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:
*At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
*AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
*Refused to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
*All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.